Cyclejen's Blog

25 miles
April 28, 2010, 11:06 am
Filed under: Cycle Jen Main | Tags: , , , , , , ,

25 miles. Yeah you read that right! 25 miles. That makes me over a quarter of the way to Optimum Biking Peak Capacity Efficiency. Things learnt so far. My bike seat’s too low, cycling is hard and, try as I might, I don’t have an inbuilt GPS receiver in my head. These are important things to learn, to be sure, and I can’t help but wonder what other golden nuggets of information I will have learnt by the time August comes to pass. Enough knowledge gained through cycling and I could retire to a mountain and people could queue to hear my wisdom. In return for food I could offer them such gems as ‘do not wrap your bike lock around the handlebar post, for, surely as the sun rises in the west, your knees shall knock against the lock’ or ‘cycling up a hill requires effort. When effort cannot be found, change the destination and freewheel to paradise.’ I would wear my cycling helmet and a high visibility jacket at all times and hand out fluorescent wheel spoke rattlers as souvenirs.

Enough delusions of grandeur. As has become painfully apparent, I probably wouldn’t be able to find my way to the mountain in the first place. In the absence of a super dooper mega computer phone (what gives, Orange?), my route planning currently consists of staring intently at Google Maps, learning the route’s rough shape and desperately trying to remember the names of the roads I should be going down. This frees up my mind from pesky thoughts like bike coordination and the Highway Code to concentrate entirely on ‘ok, looking for Springfield Road, Springfield Road, Springhill Road, Binghill Road, oh crap… there it goes. Ok, looking for Bunghill Crescent…’ I’ve recently said that my ultimate ambition is to become the voice of Sat Nav. Perhaps, in the pursuit of this ambition and to better navigate around easily forgotten street names, I should just program myself to repeat ad nauseum ‘at the end of the road, turn right.’ I might get some funny looks from passing motorists but at least then I’d give off the impression that I know where I’m going, which in that case would be an endless loop around the block.

Regardless, my bike ride on Sunday clocked up roughly 25 miles. The plan was to cycle from the Lang Stracht to Crathes and have a cup of tea with my parents at the castle. Yeah, well, best laid plans and all that – I made it to Drumoak. Could I say that I would have made it had I not got hopelessly lost? Could I say that? Could I have done it sooner had I not chosen to cycle down a track fit only for mountain bikers? The wise Jen says perhaps, perhaps. What sequence of events found me frustrated and tired in the middle of nowhere, unwilling to cycle a meter further but knowing that the distance travelled is the distance still to come? I think I was doomed when I chose to push my bike up a 35 degree rocky path rather than cycle it. As I’m pushing it up, a man dressed up to the cycling nines pedals effortlessly past me, and takes the time to actually tell me that I too could have easily cycled it. Go away cycle enthusiast psycho man! Who are you to tell me what I probably could do, you jerk? You in your Lycra and pedal clips – slightly overdoing it for a family friendly track on a Sunday afternoon, don’t you think? This is not the Tour de France! Yeah, so perhaps I was a little distracted and failed to correctly follow the signs for the Deeside track, and ended up cycling onto someone’s farm. Luckily no one was actually there, or, knowing me, rather than admit my mistake to a wary farmer, would have probably just offered a really awkward hello and turned around as if that was the plan all along.

So, GPS in the head please. Then, when I am up that mountain handing out my wisdom and someone wants to know where the souvenir shop is I can tell them: ‘at the end of the road, turn right.’


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Mwahahahaha hilarious! I sense no loss of enthuisiasm in this utter balls up of route and direction planning!

Possibly aquire a bike more specifically designed for the task in hand??? A well thought out hartail (fornt suspension only (which locks out so you can maximise your power input, but reuces the shock thoruhg arms on rocky roads)… or a hybrid cross bike designed for minimal off-road (not gauntlets) but mainly road worthy… speed is of the essence yes? Sooner its done the sooner you can enjoy the wine in Paris oui, oui!!!

Keep cycling you star!

Comment by Jodie

Picture this fellow cycler. Your blasting away through the forest, your invincible as you tear into corners and hurtle through the straights, GREAT your half way there!!! Your half way from home…. and your bike chain SNAPS!!!! Yes dear cycler this is the predicament I found myself in tonight! And on no it was not all downhill back home, no, no, it was ALL U-P-H-I-L-L!

I had to jog, uphill, with a bike, 4 mile, back home.

You think about that Jen đŸ˜‰

Comment by Jodie

Excellent post Jen Jen. Ibet you thought of lots of snappy come backs for evil cycle man after he was out of earshot! Xxxx

Comment by lizzie

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